Establishing Healthy Relationships

By:  Dale Weckbacher

Ephesians 5:24-25

 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives are to submit to their husbands in everything. ²⁵ Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself for her

(CSB)

Talk of wives submitting to their husbands is a contentious topic in our modern society that seeks to place women and men on an equal standing.  However, Ephesians 5:21 does call for submission to one another out of reverence for Christ.  Therefore, it is safe to interpret this passage to mean men and women are equal in standing under submission to Christ. 

The first to see the risen Christ were women who came to prepare His body (Luke 24: 1-12).  Jesus could have and should have in accordance with the customs of his time, announced his resurrection to the men first.  Thankfully, especially for the women reading this, Jesus died for the sins of all humanity, men and women. 

Therefore, the call for wives to submit to their husbands is not speaking of a slavery to their husbands for that is not how Christ wants us to serve Him.  Instead it is a reverential love for their husbands, called to love them just as Christ loved and died for the church.  However, when either the husband or wife steps out from under the umbrella of reverence for Christ, a breakdown in the relationship occurs.  We can therefore conclude that the foundational key to harmony in Christian households is both husbands and wives living in reverence to God in Christ, seeking and fulfilling God’s will and purpose in their lives. 

Each person reading this that is married can attest to what occurs in the household when one party in the marriage is not a believer in Christ.  While the Bible cautions believers about being married to an unbeliever, it often occurs when both entered the marriage as nonbelievers and one of them later becomes a believer.  If that is the situation for anyone reading this I recommend loving and praying that your spouse comes to accept Jesus as their savior.  I also recommend living for Christ as a witness to your unbelieving spouse. 

However, even marriages between two Christians can experience contention and arguments.  James 4:1 tells us the cause of quarrels between people as stemming from waring desires within us.  Winning this internal battle is key to living a peaceful life with others, including our spouses.  To achieve this level of peaceful existence we must

1)      Value healthy relationships (Hebrews 10:24-25) – The first scriptural mention of the need for healthy relationships in the Bible occurs in Genesis 2:18.  In what appears to be a contradiction with God previously saying that his creation was good (Genesis 1:31), he now states it is not good for man to be alone.  There is no contradiction however for while Adam lived in a marvelous world created by God, it was not good for him to enjoy it alone.  As Christians living in a fallen world, we need each other for encouragement and why we must regularly come together (Hebrews 10:24-25). 

2)      Identify barriers to healthy relationships (James 4:1-2) – As Christians, we are not only involved in spiritual warfare against external ungodly powers (Ephesians 6:12), but also an internal war against the passions of the flesh (James 4:1-2).  This represents pride and self-absorption which prevents healthy relationships with God and others.  The opposite of pride is humility or a greater concern for others over self, attracting healthy relationships.  To break down the barriers to healthy relationships in our lives, we must identify areas of pride in our lives and ask God to give us humility in these areas. 

3)      Breaking down relationship barriers (James 4:7-10) – James 4:7-10 tells us to submit, draw near, and humble ourselves to God and resist the devil.  We often hear the resist the devil and drawing near portions of this passage while ignoring the humbling, and submission portions.  This is because these both involve confrontation of pride in our lives and surrendering of control in our lives to God.  The benefit, however, to doing this is the breaking down of relationship barriers making healthy relationships possible. 

The healthiest relationship any person can have is a relationship with God, but sin represents a barrier to this relationship that none of us can break down (Romans 3:23).  However, the grace of God breaks down that barrier when we accept Jesus as our savior (Ephesians 2:8).  If you are reading this and have not already done so, I urge you to break down the sin barrier to a relationship with God by praying with me now. 

Dear Lord Jesus, I know I have sinned (Romans 3:23) and know that the penalty for my sin is death (Romans 6:23).  I ask you to forgive me of my sin and cleanse me as you promise in your Word (1 John 1:9).  I believe you died, was buried, and resurrected from the dead and now declare you Lord of my life.

As with any relationship, they grow stronger through communication.  Communication is a two-way street consisting of listening and speaking.  God speaks to us through the Bible and allows us to speak to Him through prayer.  Now that you have prayed and established a relationship with God in your life, I urge you to develop a strong relationship through daily reading of the Bible, prayer, and finding a church teaching the Bible.  May God bless everyone reading this.