The Four Loves: Gift-love and Need-love

By:  Dale Weckbacher

Mark 3:33-35

³³ He replied to them, “Who are my mother and my brothers?” ³⁴ Looking at those sitting in a circle around him, he said, “Here are my mother and my brothers!³⁵ Whoever does the will of God is my brother and sister and mother.”

(CSB)

What is love?  Ask this question to any group of people and there might be as many answers as people asked.  Unfortunately, the English language only has one word for love serving as a blanket term for affection toward another person or object.  Granted the English language has the word like, primarily used to describe things or people that make us happy but do not have a level of affection in our lives as the things we claim to love. 

The Greek language however has four words for love, storge, phileo, eros, and agape.  (1)  Each of these words translates as love in the Bible and if one does not view their usage in context or have awareness of the Greek word for love used in the passage read, the reader can become confused.  A biblical study of love must also consider the aspects of gift-love and need-love.  In the book “The Four Loves,” C.S. Lewis states that prior to writing the book, he viewed need-love as one’s selfish seeking for love to fulfill some selfish need in their lives.  However, with each individual needing God’s love and love from others at some level, need-love does have a role in the lives of individuals.  

God is about gift-love for he has no need for anything and hence no place for need-love.  However, people are born helpless and in need of someone to show them love.  This is initially the role of parents in one’s life but if this showing of love is absent or deficient, can lead to distortion of one’s view of God’s gift-love questioning its sufficiency to meet all their needs.  A blurring of the definition of love in one’s life also occurs through cultural views of love that do not differentiate between the different types of love, causing how one shows love to another to go outside its biblical boundaries. 

God’s sacrificial gift-love restores humanity to the spiritual position humanity had in the Garden of Eden.  Through the sacrificial gift of salvation by the death, burial, and resurrection of Jesus, one receives the righteousness of God into their lives (Romans 3:21-23).  While this establishes a positional likeness to God in our lives, we still live in a body of flesh with its inordinate desires.  Without a biblical definition of the meaning of love, one can view love in a sensual manner and fall prey to temptations of the flesh. 

This is where the idea of need-love or our need to not only receive positional likeness to God through His gift-love of salvation, but continually grow to become more God-like in our lives through diligent study of God’s Word and prayer.  Having an understanding or the four loves and study of their context in scripture can help us love in a 1 Corinthians 13 manner and avoid the temptation to love outside biblical boundaries. 

Our heart is wherever our treasure is (Matthew 6:21).  When we begin to understand and treasure the magnitude of God’s love for us as demonstrated by the sinless Christ taking our punishment for sin on the cross, we reciprocate by treasuring our restored likeness to Christ.  God demonstrated his gift-love for us by sending His Son to die for our sins and restore our relationship with our creator.  The sin in our lives means we need God’s love.  As an expression of our need-love for salvation we should offer ourselves as a gift, offering gift-love to God (Romans 12:1). 

We should also give the gift of love to others in obedience to the commandment to love our neighbor as ourselves (Matthew 22:39).  This is where knowledge of the four Greek words for love is important for we must love others within the biblical boundaries of love that aligns with our relationship with one another.  Next week we will begin by looking at the first of these four loves, storge or affectionate love. 

1. Mcleanbible. Four Greek Words for "Love". www.mccleanbible.org. [Online] Mccleanbible.org. [Cited: March 17, 2019.] https://www.mcleanbible.org/sites/default/files/Multiply-Resources/Chap3/GreekWordsforLoveWS_Chapter3.pdf.